....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
