i barfeds in our rink
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
