just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
