I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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