and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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