Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
where does the pee come out of this thing
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
