When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
