i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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