Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
