Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am naked and annoyed.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
