so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
