this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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