A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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