my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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