I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
