Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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