Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
how does that bad decision feel?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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