i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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