I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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