she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
