I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
