New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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