so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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