So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
