i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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