I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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