I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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