Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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