Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
