You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
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It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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