Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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