Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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