The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
