Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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