oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
