But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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