ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
