i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
