I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
can u get pink eye on your cock?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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