you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
