69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
