we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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