Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize