We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
