I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
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Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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