He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
