PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
