She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
