dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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