I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
