there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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