it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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