You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
