I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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