I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
