And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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