Where are you?
In a non slutty way
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
