yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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