what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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