God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
