2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
