There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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