I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day â¤ï¸
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