theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
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I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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