Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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