How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
