and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
