Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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