Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
her vagine was all disorganized.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How does it feel to date your dad?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
